My son is just over a month old today. We're watching our first UVa football game together, rooting for the team that always disappoints (we're not called the Cardiac Cavs for nothing).
Having a kid is an experience that I've always wanted to have. My dad has been such a great role model in my life, and has taught me so much. Although perhaps too much - my wife would be the first to admit that I am way too reticent to hire anyone to do anything around the house.
Being a dad in some ways has come easy to me, and in some ways hasn't. I have some pretty severe ADD, which I was diagnosed with as an adult (age 27). It explains a lot in my life - my inability to focus, my feeling that the years slipped by without me really being a part of them, failing probability in college. Okay, failing probability was way more than ADD.
On top of my ADD I have dealt with some fairly severe anxiety in my life. I've always dealt with it in one way - throwing myself entirely into whatever is my current focus. Whether that's my job, whether that's a hobby (deciding to get into HAM radio and then going way to far with it), I've always felt the need to cram my brain full of something to occupy it. I've always used that as my coping mechanism for anxiety. If my brain is completely full of one thing, I don't have time to think about my anxiety.
With a child, that's increasingly hard. Sometimes (like right now, he's crying), he just needs to be held and nurtured. But that doesn't always fill my brain to capacity. It makes me want to watch TV, or draft fantasy football, or listen to music. But I want to be there for my kid, not to be distracted. He deserves that.
It's just going to take some effort on my part to make sure that happens.